Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Awake

Soooo....my last post was about being sad that a book ended. Well, admittedly I was. Quite sad actually. Because I wasn't sure how to deal with such an overwhelming feeling produced from a fictional book, I read them again. Now some might say that was not a wise move considering the emotional state these books left me in, but I thought if I read them again...well, I'm not sure what I thought.
It worked though. I didn't have the sadness when I finished the books like last time. I still would read them again (the book is in my head still) so, knowing my sister wanted to read them, I lent her my Kindle. Now maybe I will get things done.
I wish I could talk about being in the nursing program. I have learned so many things that I would love to share, but they lectured us about privacy and quite frankly I don't really know what is ok to talk about and what isn't.

I feel like I have come awake. I used to be a very independent, motivated, strong person. I feel like I am not that person anymore, until now. Its like I have been asleep for the last 7 or 8 years. Someone once said that I was domesticated. I laughed at them, but they might have been right. Right in the since that all I thought about was my house and kids. Now don't get me wrong, my kids are first on my list, but I have come to realize that I have dreams. Dreams that I have suppressed and almost forgotten about. Not anymore. I feel motivated and determined. I know what I want and I will work my ass off to get it. Period. No more settling. No more just hoping that my dreams will fall into my lap.

Hopefully I can blog about my progress along the way :)

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Lost in thought

Have you ever read a book and got so involved in it you cannot put it down. Its all you can think about. You have to finish it. When you are done you realize your kind of sad its over.
I do that. I get so involved in my books. I picture the characters and places. I feel the emotions. I put myself in the story.
I like it like that. Its my escape.

Now don't laugh....
I just finished reading the Fifty Shades trilogy. Great books ;)
I have neglected my house work, homework, and my family (a little) so I can escape into these books.
The whole time I was reading the books my brain was lost in the story. Even when I had to put them down and do normal day to day things, my brain was in the story. I finished the last book yesterday. They were great and I hope, hope, hope she continues with his side of the story.
Now I am finally done. So many things need to be done. What do I do? Mope around all day. Oh, I tried to do homework. I tried to focus on the things that I should be doing. After an hour or two on homework I felt like I just couldn't focus anymore. So I decided to go ahead and take my shower.
Something about a shower when I feel sad....I lost it.
I am a little embarrassed to admit that I was that sad from a book. Stupid right? I guess I am not ready to leave my escape yet.
Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I just got to spend my last few days in the mind of a woman with a perfect body and incredible adventures going on. Then its done. I am back to my body, no money, and an overwhelming amount of homework to do. I still get a lump in my throat. (So stupid)

My husband is so great. He didn't laugh or tease me. He just held me and reassured me that it was ok. That I wasn't stupid and it was ok to be sad, no matter what it was over.

This last month has been so overwhelming. I hope I can get it together and step up my game.
I guess I better start now. I think I will start with a cup of coffee.