Monday, July 15, 2013

What was I thinking?

A couple of years ago I decided that I should go to school to become a RN. I went into the process unprepared and naive. I took a full load of classes every semester in hopes of being prepared for the RN program. I knew there was a big chance I would not be one of the twenty five selected to enter the two year program.
Alas, I was selected. What followed after that can only be described as a whirlwind. Information was thrown at us. Deadlines to meet. Books, uniforms, and supplies were bought. Two different orientations were attended. Then the first semester started.

Unfortunately, I had not finished all of my non-nursing classes before the program started, therefore I had to complete those classes on top of my nursing classes.

I was in way over my head. Four days of classes a week with twelve hour clinicals on the weekend. Endless hours of homework.
If I only had to worry about me and school it might not have been too bad. But I have a family...a husband, three children (one a toddler), pets, and other family.
I struggled with time management. During the day I had two children home with me to try to keep fed and occupied, as well as making sure one attended preschool twice a week. But still I tried. I tried to do homework every moment I could steal away. After the kids went to bed I would do homework until I couldn't see straight anymore. The next morning I would get up before the kids to try to get more done.
I did fine, grade-wise the first semester.

The second semester started with me being exhausted and just got worse. I couldn't stay up late anymore...I couldn't focus.
I almost didn't pass the first eight weeks.
The second eight weeks I think I unconsciously gave up. I failed.

That is it. You fail a class, you are out.

So now I am back to being a stay-at-home mom. I had missed it so much. Being home with my children. Simple, silly things like making dinner.

Now things have settled. The kids are on summer break, we had a vacation, and now we are trying to get into a normal routine.

I realized something yesterday. I am a crappy mom.
My kids have all but lost their manners.
My house is unorganized.
My house is in desperate need of a deep cleaning.
My oldest child has not progresses in a few areas that she should have.
My middle child cannot tie her shoes or ride a bike without training wheels (and not super great with them).
My youngest child, who is getting ready to go to preschool, does not know his letters (by sight) or a few other things that I feel he should know before going to preschool (both of my other children did).
My youngest also still sleeps with a pacifier.

I have slacked in the mom responsibility area greatly. I only hope I can get things back to where they should be in a timely matter.

I hate it when you realize your not as awesome as you thought you were.

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